Game on!!! The election is a go. It’s been a long time coming – hell it’s been over a decade for the thinking people of Australia…

With his usual attempt at bipartisan-ness, Richard (always diplomatic, always one for reconciliation) has, for the best interests of the nation decided to respond to Little Johnny No-Hopes tax cut by throwing a vote or two his way. Now that’s sacrifice. Mind you if it was true we would have taken him out the back of Studio 7 and beaten him to a Tasmanian pulp mill. Mind you it’s not surprising after Pete’s chequered history with the Exclusive Brethren that this is even on the cards. $320 million transfers to them from Pete’s holiday account can’t go unnoticed.

With Little Johnny’s tax cut mainly going to his rich buddies, it’s not really too surprising that no one is that impressed. Of course on top of scare campaigns, and the “resources boom” economy, there’s not too much to cheer about really. The IMF have said this tax cut will increase inflation and badly damage Australia’s economy. I mean what would they know? The International Monetary Fund… just left wing hacks!!

Moving away from politics for a moment we embraced Steven Seagal’s Bolt. No not his “blue bolt”, but the carbonated beverage made with “secret extracts from the East”; the mighty Goji Berry and of course the mysterious Asian Cordyceps. Are they real, or the bad guys from Star Trek IV? Who knows, but Steven “I used to kill for the CIA” Seagal is making a packet! And why not – his acting sucks! Maybe selling tonics will be a better career move!

Now onto an Election Watch Special looking at the WBF Marginal Seat Guide. The first this week is Wentworth, home of Malcolm Turd-bill, Federal Environment Minister who’s too embarrassed by his own government to have Little Johnny on his election material. Now Malcolm was parachuted into this seat, unseating a very popular local candidate, and earning the ire off the locals. In fact this seat was SO safe it was John Hewson’s seat. Remember him? Nah, me either!! But no longer. Young Malcolm has turned his happy Liberal electorate in to an angry mob – not easy in the Eastern Suburbs. He wants to save the whales, he’s anti-Kyoto, but he’s all man… just ignore the boat shoes!
Pete predicts he’ll lose it by 5%, I say 7%, Richard doesn’t care.
Meanwhile Dobell is held by the Liberals with a margin of 4.9%. But maybe not for long. Conservative area of people who made use of the Howard Government’s past tax pay-offs, will it all come home to roost?
Pete predicts they’ll hold it, I say they’ll hold it with Family First preferences, Richard was cleaning his Nebelwerfer.

With a packed show, we finished with Battle for Bennelong. Little Johnny’s posters have been graffitied, and surprisingly he looks better with horns and fangs. Maxine’s campaign has gone grass roots, but frankly if she doesn’t put her head up the Liberal Party lawnmower is going to take it off, but with Peter Garrett, Bob Hawke and Bob Carr all coming to visit, maybe that will add some energy to her campaign. Go Maxine!!

The Fuck O Meter this week was again a bit excited!
R: 9
P: 4
A: 1

Isn’t it GOLD? A piece of Pete Gold!!!

You know ever since Yulia Tymoshenko made her appearance on the show, Richard’s been obsessed. Pete saw her first, but Richard has taken it upon himself to be her #1 fan. He has the CD, he has the book (“Yulia on Yulia”), he even has the DVD (“Double Tapping the Tymoshenko”). Now he’s on the hunt – he’s on the hunt for his very own Tymoshenko t-shirt. The colour doesn’t matter, in fact the picture doesn’t matter – as long as she’s worn it… preferably straight after a shower. He’s really not asking much!

You know let’s be honest, the Religious Right aren’t really up to date when it comes to thing like the internet, or women’s rights, or the advent of the Gregorian Calendar, let’s be honest. Now, as if to prove that, Australia’s very own Family First political party. This week they’ve decided that Geelong’s victory in the AFL final needs commemorating. As if a big gold cup wasn’t enough! Family First want the city of Geelong to build a giant Sherrin football, Sherrin being the brand of football used by the AFL. Now you may be saying “So what, fat boy?”. Well Deluded One – with the upcoming election, the war in Iraq, crime, education, heath… this is the ONLY announcement to come out of their offices in an entire week! And this brings up another issue, what happens when we win other sporting events? Giant cricket bats will litter the country, giant boats and Rugby Union balls will abound. Worst still, what happens when Australia makes a breakthrough in artificial insemination research? What would they want to build then?? So many options really…

Battle For Bennelong this week was a big one as the election draws closer. From Little Johnny No-Hope using the Bali bombers as an election wedge in the electorate. You see He loves the politics of Race. He’s made his presence known in what has been hither to a little used election strategy in Australia. That’s something to be proud of. Of course one of his bover-boys came out this week against Sudanese immigration, mainly inspired by media reports. Media reports very easily debunked. So after slandering an ethnic minority, Little Johnny headed off to Tonga, I’m sure they’ll love his talk of “us and them”. Meanwhile Maxine has been engaged in a rather elitist campaign of forums with certain groups. Now Maxine – BLOODY GET OUT THERE!!!!! You can’t rely on momentum to get you home in this election. Back with Little Johnny – his buddy Alan Jones, Sydney talk-back Right-wing demagogue, has been sucking on Johnny like a free Chuppa-Chup at a drum and bass gig. Oh Alan loves Johnny! Oh Alan,what’s going to happen when he loses? Oh well i’m sure you’ll try your best to see that doesn’t happen. Still as long as we keep the “blacks” out, right Johnny?

Hey Mr President this week returned to the good ol’ US of A to look at Democratic Presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich… and more correctly his wife. His very young wife at that! So Dennis is from Ohio, he was the mayor of Cleveland in the 70s and is currently 4th in the Democratic ‘race’. He’s an odd one; he voted against the Patriot Act (one of the very few), he was against the Clinton Impeachment (sure he had his own history with younger women from what we’ve seen so far), he’s for Universal Healthcare, a withdrawal from the WTO, social security and wants to set up a Ministry of Peace. Actually he’s really into music so he’d like to set up a Ministry of Sound too. Now he has a plan for Iraq, that hopefully doesn’t involve B-52s and nuclear bombs… Oh look stuff it, this isn’t about him… this is about HER.

Yes, Mrs Kucinich. Pete’s new love. Well he needed one after Lindsay Lohan became so busy he had to book in 3 weeks ahead. She’s a red head and she’s English. Pete’s in love!!! Now all we have to do is keep Richard away from her t-shirts after she showers.
As you know all candidates in this section of the show are rated on 3 important criteria:
1] How many Social Networking Sites do you appear on – Kucinich-a-dingy-dang-dong = 2
2] How much merchandise – Kucinich-a-dingy-dang-dong = 12
3] How many ringtones – Kucinich-a-dingy-dang-dong = 0

But they’re not the numbers you’re after right?

That’s right – what about Mrs Kunich-a-dingy-dang-dong?
1] How many Social Networking Sites do you appear on – Elizabeth = 4, plus a number of amateur subscription sites
2] How much merchandise – Elizabeth = some would argue she is his merchandise, or at least a fairly good beard
3] How many ringtones – Elizabeth = i’m sure she wouldn’t refuse your call… look at her husband!!!

Now onto something new – Richard’s new segment Polling 4 Dummies. Now this isn’t the type of polling you may be used to; attractive young women twirling around a pole. No, no this is intelligent political content! That being said, some pole dancing could come in handy. Kevin Andrews on a pole – i think I’d prefer a pike! Now, The first political poll was in 1824 for one of the US Presidential Elections, but it wasn’t till George Gallop (who ironically was scared of horses) came up with his way of receiving payments from corporate and political interests to skew public opinion, did we get the polling process we see in use today. Lies, damn lies and statistics. That being said, we all read them, we all watch them, so lets shine alight on them with this election being busily delayed until there’s enough dirt to spread around.

Okay, now if you heard the show, you would realise this part of the write-up was coming and it’s a doozy!
P: 6
R: 9
A: 1

I think if this keeps up, the swear jar may be able to pay off the debt of Uganda!!