EPISODE#271 – All Praise the Gallic Surrender Monkeys

Isn’t it GOLD? A piece of Pete Gold!!!

You know ever since Yulia Tymoshenko made her appearance on the show, Richard’s been obsessed. Pete saw her first, but Richard has taken it upon himself to be her #1 fan. He has the CD, he has the book (“Yulia on Yulia”), he even has the DVD (“Double Tapping the Tymoshenko”). Now he’s on the hunt – he’s on the hunt for his very own Tymoshenko t-shirt. The colour doesn’t matter, in fact the picture doesn’t matter – as long as she’s worn it… preferably straight after a shower. He’s really not asking much!

You know let’s be honest, the Religious Right aren’t really up to date when it comes to thing like the internet, or women’s rights, or the advent of the Gregorian Calendar, let’s be honest. Now, as if to prove that, Australia’s very own Family First political party. This week they’ve decided that Geelong’s victory in the AFL final needs commemorating. As if a big gold cup wasn’t enough! Family First want the city of Geelong to build a giant Sherrin football, Sherrin being the brand of football used by the AFL. Now you may be saying “So what, fat boy?”. Well Deluded One – with the upcoming election, the war in Iraq, crime, education, heath… this is the ONLY announcement to come out of their offices in an entire week! And this brings up another issue, what happens when we win other sporting events? Giant cricket bats will litter the country, giant boats and Rugby Union balls will abound. Worst still, what happens when Australia makes a breakthrough in artificial insemination research? What would they want to build then?? So many options really…

Battle For Bennelong this week was a big one as the election draws closer. From Little Johnny No-Hope using the Bali bombers as an election wedge in the electorate. You see He loves the politics of Race. He’s made his presence known in what has been hither to a little used election strategy in Australia. That’s something to be proud of. Of course one of his bover-boys came out this week against Sudanese immigration, mainly inspired by media reports. Media reports very easily debunked. So after slandering an ethnic minority, Little Johnny headed off to Tonga, I’m sure they’ll love his talk of “us and them”. Meanwhile Maxine has been engaged in a rather elitist campaign of forums with certain groups. Now Maxine – BLOODY GET OUT THERE!!!!! You can’t rely on momentum to get you home in this election. Back with Little Johnny – his buddy Alan Jones, Sydney talk-back Right-wing demagogue, has been sucking on Johnny like a free Chuppa-Chup at a drum and bass gig. Oh Alan loves Johnny! Oh Alan,what’s going to happen when he loses? Oh well i’m sure you’ll try your best to see that doesn’t happen. Still as long as we keep the “blacks” out, right Johnny?

Hey Mr President this week returned to the good ol’ US of A to look at Democratic Presidential hopeful Dennis Kucinich… and more correctly his wife. His very young wife at that! So Dennis is from Ohio, he was the mayor of Cleveland in the 70s and is currently 4th in the Democratic ‘race’. He’s an odd one; he voted against the Patriot Act (one of the very few), he was against the Clinton Impeachment (sure he had his own history with younger women from what we’ve seen so far), he’s for Universal Healthcare, a withdrawal from the WTO, social security and wants to set up a Ministry of Peace. Actually he’s really into music so he’d like to set up a Ministry of Sound too. Now he has a plan for Iraq, that hopefully doesn’t involve B-52s and nuclear bombs… Oh look stuff it, this isn’t about him… this is about HER.
Yes, Mrs Kucinich. Pete’s new love. Well he needed one after Lindsay Lohan became so busy he had to book in 3 weeks ahead. She’s a red head and she’s English. Pete’s in love!!! Now all we have to do is keep Richard away from her t-shirts after she showers.
As you know all candidates in this section of the show are rated on 3 important criteria:
1] How many Social Networking Sites do you appear on – Kucinich-a-dingy-dang-dong = 2
2] How much merchandise – Kucinich-a-dingy-dang-dong = 12
3] How many ringtones – Kucinich-a-dingy-dang-dong = 0

But they’re not the numbers you’re after right?

That’s right – what about Mrs Kunich-a-dingy-dang-dong?
1] How many Social Networking Sites do you appear on – Elizabeth = 4, plus a number of amateur subscription sites
2] How much merchandise – Elizabeth = some would argue she is his merchandise, or at least a fairly good beard
3] How many ringtones – Elizabeth = i’m sure she wouldn’t refuse your call… look at her husband!!!

Now onto something new – Richard’s new segment Polling 4 Dummies. Now this isn’t the type of polling you may be used to; attractive young women twirling around a pole. No, no this is intelligent political content! That being said, some pole dancing could come in handy. Kevin Andrews on a pole – i think I’d prefer a pike! Now, The first political poll was in 1824 for one of the US Presidential Elections, but it wasn’t till George Gallop (who ironically was scared of horses) came up with his way of receiving payments from corporate and political interests to skew public opinion, did we get the polling process we see in use today. Lies, damn lies and statistics. That being said, we all read them, we all watch them, so lets shine alight on them with this election being busily delayed until there’s enough dirt to spread around.

Okay, now if you heard the show, you would realise this part of the write-up was coming and it’s a doozy!
P: 6
R: 9
A: 1
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I think if this keeps up, the swear jar may be able to pay off the debt of Uganda!!

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