found out more here, live from the channel 88.5fm news desk of death, doom and destruction. Either that or more technical tomfollery from DJ RayRay
Show 288 is ready
The one where Pete (thats me) tried vainly for hours (thats mins in french) to find a phone (thats fon) to ring these two wankers, who proceed to rib me mercilessly whilst I am 12000km away from a microphone, le wankeurs!
… write about something that was a long time ago. Try to remember the context, eventually give up and just write nonsense…
So without further a-Catholic:
See the K-Rudd isn’t Bill Clinton. Sorry Pete, it’s true! I know the Clinton Love Train is in full bloom, but alas, the reason why i write this is because K-Rudd has never smoked dope. Bill did, but didn’t inhale (that must have been a blast) and wouldn’t history have been different if only Monica had – there’d be no evidence! Anna Bligh, QLD Premier did, Wayne Swan the new UberTreasurer did in his youth, Opposition Leader and turn-coat Brendon Nelson didn’t but got an earring instead, and Peter Garrett isn’t too sure – he can’t remember much before 2003. Must have been a slow news week for the media to think this one up!
Following the Shopping List of Stonedom (I’m copyrighting that J.K. Rowling – i know what you’re like!!) we headed into Catholic Saints, my very unfortunate experience at the taping of the TV show Good News Week and Evermore at Australia Day – who everyone i know saw, but none of us ran into each other!!
BTW, on the Good News Week taping… my advice… DON’T GO!!!!!
Prince Harry was charging around Afghanistan at this point. The Ginger Ninja was risking life and limb to defend Mother England against an enemy with no air force and no intercontinental capabilities. Evil bastards!!! Now were were served up the “Harry in Danger” headline without all the facts. You see Harry was being guarded by Gurkhas. Who are Gurkhas i hear you ask? Well lets’ turn to Wikipedia, and Wikipedia again, we could just turn to the Ginger Ninja himself. So really, to kill a good story – he was being guarded and sheparded around a pacified warzone by the best soldiers in the world. Pretty dangerous. He’d be in more danger heading down to “The Staine” at Manly for a drink on the weekend.
As an aside – Akmal, the comedian… IS NOT FUNNY!!!!
K-Rudd was swept to power on the coat tails of an old, out of touch government more interested in serving the rich than the common man. Now to celebrate the return of good governance and the rule of law, the K-Rudd Dynasty have decided (on the 100th day of coming to power) to spend our money on a booklet about how things have changed since they toppled the last Junta. Now K-Rudd… are you frakkin’ stupid? That was one of the things that pissed people of about Little Johnny’s government – the waste of money and the gloating. Oh K-Rudd – come home soon!!!
Poll Smoking this week showed that 69% of people agreed that the Australian Government should have apologised to the Aboriginal people, 26% said we shouldn’t have. Interestingly, out of that 26%, 20% thought we would be sued, 50% thought Pauline Hanson was nice, and 30% weren’t too sure why the Queen wasn’t running the country.
In the PM satisfaction stakes, K-Rudd was triumphant with 69% popularity, 12% not being impressed.
And in the all important poll, Who Would You Vote For If An Election Was Called Today: 51% ALP, 31% Coalition. Nice legacy you left there Little Johnny!!
In the same vein – Who Would Make a Better PM: Rudd 73%, Nelson 7%, Humphrey B Bear 5%, and Bindi Irwin 15%.
Fuck O Meter This Week:
P: 8 (nice to have you back)
So, during the show abe says. if you want to download this show, it will ready in about 6 weeks, richard promises it will be sooner than that..who the fuck do you believe?
I believe me, because Pete is always right
Many many moons ago, before the time of K.Rudd, three comedians locked themselves in a studio and set themselves a task to write a ground breaking comedy series of epic proportions. A series that would go down in history alongside such classics as Faulty Towers, The Young Ones and Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader with Rove McManus. A comedy that would immediately attract mainstream attention, and set up the team for other future movie and television projects.
Unfortunately they couldn’t come up with anything, so we fired them and decided to write it ourselves. You be the judge, as Frank and Dale return for season 2 on 8th May 2008.
OK, these two are really boring, but pic one comes from lille in France, bonjour mon amour, comment ca va? ca va bien? Merci
the second also from Lille in Northern France show a protest about the idiocy of the Australian public in not voting for abe to become the latest stand up sensation (vote abedoesstandup at walkblackforest dot org). These French knw their way around a funny joke, give them le joke! I love that the fact that Michael Cera from Juno and Arrested Development seemed to be there in the all black and headband. So, I told you Abe, you are funnier than Jason Bateman AND Portia De Rossi
fresh from like now, I mean as I am writing this, theÂ show is still going LIVE TO AIR, how freaking fresh is that, we have show 286, as richard says, the 47th show in the 280’s
He really really is!
I mean look, in retrospect, Work Choices – not the best idea.
Northern Territory Intervention – good, bad… who can say?!
Cutting education spending every year for 11 years – probably not too positive long term.
Invading Iraq – well it got us in the papers and GWB is happy, so the death toll can be forgiven.
Tax cuts that international experts say favoured the rich – well you have to pay for the votes now don’t you?!
Saying “sorry to the Aborigines” – STILL CAN’T DO IT!!!
Little Johnny, get with it son! You lost. Admit defeat. Walk away. Keep your mouth shut, take up bowls, wear a cardigan, be a man and APOLOGISE!!
So PM K-Rudd said a long-waited for “sorry” to Australia’s indigenous people. The previous government wouldn’t, even members of said government (now in highly paid semi-retirement in opposition) boycotted, read magazines or refused to acknowledge the apology. They really are bastards aren’t they!! Little Johnny didn’t turn up to the ceremony, even though every living PM did. His old ministers are back-peddling from his ideologically barren wasteland of conservative number crunching socially irresponsible governance. How quickly the mighty have fallen – and they can’t even face it. The Aboriginal peoples of Australia aren’t the only ones who need an apology. How about the poor, the sick, mentally ill, the immigrants, the refugees, the Iraqis, the students, the defence personnel who sue the crappy equipment you send them to war with, the teachers who have to do their jobs with less funding than ever, the community organisations who struggle like never before to help those less fortunate. Stand up Little Man!! Admit your hate driven agenda. Apologise, move away and never come back. You may be up for consideration for the Order of the Garter… you’ll have to wrestle Downer for it!
Bloody hell Vent Mk2 over… I’m sorry!!
Okay, so Peter Costello, unsure how to tie his shoes now Johnny isn’t doing it for him, has walked away… or has he. We think he’s biding his time. He’s always wanted to be the Fairy Queen and it’s months till Christmas. Maybe this year they’ll pick him now that little guy’s gone! Mind you Downer’s still wearing last year’s costume – tights, wig and all! He’s also waiting to become leader. But, as Poll Smoking told us this week, his adversary Doc Nelson is having trouble. Only 32% of people think he’s doing a good job – compared to the PMs 71%. In fact 51% of Liberal voters think K-Rudd is better than Doc Nelson, and 63% of Liberal voters think that Costello would be better. Oddly 84% of Liberal voters believe Menzies is frozen and are waiting for the day he can be unfrozen to lead Australia into a newly enlightened age of no unions, all white buses, and gloves and hats for ladies. Not big fans of burkas ironically!!
Now Pete’s been absent.. physically, emotionally, spiritually if you believe Jamie Durie’s blog… but in reality he’s been O.S. (which is code for “not anywhere near you, you poor toss-bucket”). In his adventures he’s discovered “Schiesser” brand underwear, and a kids clothing range called “Scat”. Now i know advertisers think being literal is fun – but “Scat”? All the Germans will be lining up to buy it… or maybe just chew on it…! Eeeewww.
The US Presidential Election is heating up, with everyone’s favourite kill-joy Ralph Nader getting involved to divide the Democratic vote. See Ralph’s an idiot! He thinks he knows everything, and in effect cost John Kerry some very important votes in the last US Presidential Election – leaving GWB the victor. This time he is expected to take votes for Obama, who’s supporters are more likely to go left than Hillary’s supporters who love Bill. In fact get too close and you can love him… in a physical way. Hillary doesn’t mind – she just likes the access to getting high paying clients for her law firm. Jaded? You bet your bippy Constable Carruthers!
Now, Richard thinks the US would have gone to war in Iraq whether GWB was there or not. Pete and I agree that Afghanistan was going to happen after 911 no matter what – but Iraq? Not too sure. But that being said Richard HATES Al Gore. Why? “They call her Tipper, Tipper, faster than lyrics, no one can see… because i said so…!!”
All i can say is this: Do these two look hard and fast? It’s Whore-llary!! Vote for her = expect more!
Obama, Obama, go go Obama!!!
… and finally, K-Rudd hates pirates. He hates the beards, the peg legs, that parrot and the constant “arrrrgh”-ing. You have to face it… it’s annoying! Not only do they act weirdly, they run illegal bit torrents. I think that’s what Pete and Richard were talking about. Apparently their boats now ply the seas sending files around, bouncing them to Sweden and back to your PC (or Mac…). Now if you use these boats (pretty sure you have to use a life vest… not too sure), you can use them twice, but if you use the boats again, then the Coast Guard are allow to sink your ISP. I think that’s right… Now the worst of these pirates are the porn pirates. No peg leg there! Just a giant vibrating dildo. Their ships, like The Penetrator, The Thrustmaster and The Black Hole Rimmer, sail the waves of lube ripping and streaming rippling masses of flesh to users at home. Really i got confused at this point. I’m not too sure about these pirates. They sound a bit gay!
The Fuck-O-Meter this week was off the chart.