Wal-Mart links

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Trina Tocco from the International Labor Rights Fund gave us an insisght into what Australian manufacturers can expect if Wal-Mart waltz into Australia.  Check out more info at their website and get informed peeps.

http://laborrights.org

EPISODE #230 – Back in black…

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… or maybe a shade of turquoise – it’s the new black!!!

As if there wasn’t enough repressed homo-erotic activity going on with WBF – we kciked off with the WWE wrestling. Now i was fortunate enough to go and see this spectacle, this pinnacle of human endeavour – where muscled oily men grapple with each other in a test of strength, endurance and courage… come on – it’s every gay porn flim of all time!!!! Oil, muscles… all they’re missing is the lube. Hmmmm, hardcore!!! Dude!!

We spotlighted a few of the wrestlers – the Mighty John Cena, good guy from the tough streets followed by the ghost of The Funky Bunch!

Veteren performer Ric Flair, who is neither a performer nor really a veteren – he’s just an old man in small tights, burnt by too many sunbeds and with the most spectacular white mullet you have ever seen!

… and finally – a true testament to wrestling’s wholesome family-value entertainment credo – Trish Stratus. One of the biggest performers in the “sport” today. All woman and about 20% plastic. In fact there’s probably less plastic in her action figure. But that wasn’t the point – this is a story of reserection… or maybe just erection… You see our girl Trish didn’t start out in wrestling. Just like many before her, she swapped sweaty oily bodies and being pinned in one arena for this one. Pray tell it be PORN!!! That’s right kids, the land of implants, viagra and bad acting. The wrestling establishment aren’t really big on going into this past – but it’s there… all deep-dicked and fancy-free!!

So with wrestling done and dusted, he returned!! Bobby Bob and the Aromatic Bunch, Sir Bob – the Prince of Geldof… wasn’t he in Lord of the Rings? Anyway… this week it was back on Peaches. Geldof’s spawn has apparently been living it up down Ibisa way. $4,000 bottles of bubbly!! Daddy’s not happy, so she’s getting her allowance cut. Poor Peaches… Millions for Peaches, Peaches’ not free. At least so Pete Doherty says. A story for another day. She’s a bit of a honey really!!!
Peaches

Luckily after Peaches and porn, Pete came to the rescue to overthrowing the tyrannical influx of imperialist Walmart (damn them all the hell). So it seems Walmart (stab their eyes!!) have this really interesting trade practise. You see what you do is you employ people for very little money, don’t let them have union membership, THEN get rid of them when they are about due for a pay rise… Genius. I think Little Johnny’s been reading the handbook and calling it ‘Work Choices’!! WBF will be following the apparent influx of Walmart (pickle their underpants) and keep you posted. Interestingly, their german chain (Berlin Wall-mart – not actually the name but it amused me) has packed up and gone home! Yep, they went bust. So maybe if we have a forward thinking social democratic government they won’t come here. Fat chance of that, Little Johnny wants them here.
The US has brought us some fantastic cinema; “Fight Club”, “Citizen Kane”, and now, hot on the heals of “Miami Vice” and “White Chicks” – “Snakes on a Plane”!!! Oh it sounds like cinematic GENIUS!! Take snakes, put them on a plane, get Samuel L Jackson to say some cool stuff – and you have a film!! Mutha fucka… see i did it just then. I call it; “Abe on a Plane”. You see i get on a plane with Samuel L Jackson and we swear a lot… and carry guns… and swear a lot!! “Damn bitch”!! SEE!!! But check out the website – www.snakesonaplane.com – at least the website is good.

Other noticeable points of the show – Richards amazing dissappearing cockney accent, and Pete being caught out knowing the name of Michael Hutchence’s mum. Interesting for the fact he didn’t – but thought he’d fake it anyway…

Look i know you’ve waited patiently – it’s your favourite time of the piece. Ladies and Gentlemen – The Fuck-o-Meter!!! Interesting turn of events. Pete got in first. A deliberate tactical move for Pete so he earns two extra points for getting in early AND for the element of surprise. 10:45 it was, a time that will live in infamy. Of course Richard then lapped him 3 times over – but hey, he made his point. Even i lapsed in self-censorship and my usual “**ck” turned into “f*ck” and dammit you can read between the lines. I lapsed. I will atone!! All praise the Fuck-o-Meter.

WBF – back in turquoise – next week!!!

EPISODE #229 – The Geldof Files

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A Walk in the Black Forest not only comes with a language and content warning – it also comes with another listener advisory – Just because we say it’s on the show… doesn’t mean it is. So if you were looking forward to the Lonely Planet Guide to Whacking Off, we apologise!

But (never start a sentence with “but” kids… unless it’s “Butt-kisser” used in reference to Little Johnny and GWB… mind you that’s a statement and not a sentence – i digress!!!!) what we did delve into this week was Bob Geldof. Part man, part phenomenon… well that’s what he says. If you believe his press Bob has saved the world from famine and disease, campaigned for peace and lesbian whales. Personally i think he’ll be remembered for saving only one thing – Paula Yates from having to go into porn, having no real discernable skills of her own. Mind you she was a good shot with a needle apparently! So this week we started the Geldof Files (name to be confirmed) where we keep an eye on this phenomenon – this icon of bad hair and ‘interesting’ fragrance. As it turns out, his daughters; Fifi Trixiebelle, Peaches, and Pixie all of whom i’m sure are very well adjusted and bear no burden from being named after fruit and John Williamson’s violinist have made a mark on the world in their own unique way. So, anyway, what triggered this off was Geldof’s recent massive concert series in Milan. The term “whirlwind” could be used – mind you that would mean people actually gave a fuck – which they didn’t and as such was a gaping miasma of failure! We reveled in this failure, and the fact the concert was cancelled, the people didn’t get their money back – BUT will get a free gig (they paid for) in the “future”… you know, where cars fly and we all live in peace!! Peace out Bob – you keep selling out… If you did miss the concert – then email tina@bobgeldof.info and apparently you can get your money back. Let’s all get our money back – EVEN IF WE DIDN’T GO!!

Strike a pose
The Fuck-o-meter this week was off the dial. Richard piped in first 10:39. Keep in mind, the intro goes for 3 minutes, the introductions for about 2 – which gave him 4 minutes to get one in! That may be a record. Maybe next week it can be in the opening… save time. Mind you Peter wasn’t much better 10:50, and again at 11:55… what are they teaching the kids these days?

What they are teaching them is the term “GGMILF”. Which according to urbandictionary.com means “a great grandmother who is as hot as her daughter and grand daughter. . .and likes it”. How Peter knew this, i don’t know and i don’t want to – but it would explain the pile of Depends in his bag!

Well if you missed it are you sorry?

There was more – but there’s only so much that can be chronicled for future generations.

The Chronicler