… or maybe a shade of turquoise – it’s the new black!!!
As if there wasn’t enough repressed homo-erotic activity going on with WBF – we kciked off with the WWE wrestling. Now i was fortunate enough to go and see this spectacle, this pinnacle of human endeavour – where muscled oily men grapple with each other in a test of strength, endurance and courage… come on – it’s every gay porn flim of all time!!!! Oil, muscles… all they’re missing is the lube. Hmmmm, hardcore!!! Dude!!
We spotlighted a few of the wrestlers – the Mighty John Cena, good guy from the tough streets followed by the ghost of The Funky Bunch!
Veteren performer Ric Flair, who is neither a performer nor really a veteren – he’s just an old man in small tights, burnt by too many sunbeds and with the most spectacular white mullet you have ever seen!
… and finally – a true testament to wrestling’s wholesome family-value entertainment credo – Trish Stratus. One of the biggest performers in the “sport” today. All woman and about 20% plastic. In fact there’s probably less plastic in her action figure. But that wasn’t the point – this is a story of reserection… or maybe just erection… You see our girl Trish didn’t start out in wrestling. Just like many before her, she swapped sweaty oily bodies and being pinned in one arena for this one. Pray tell it be PORN!!! That’s right kids, the land of implants, viagra and bad acting. The wrestling establishment aren’t really big on going into this past – but it’s there… all deep-dicked and fancy-free!!
So with wrestling done and dusted, he returned!! Bobby Bob and the Aromatic Bunch, Sir Bob – the Prince of Geldof… wasn’t he in Lord of the Rings? Anyway… this week it was back on Peaches. Geldof’s spawn has apparently been living it up down Ibisa way. $4,000 bottles of bubbly!! Daddy’s not happy, so she’s getting her allowance cut. Poor Peaches… Millions for Peaches, Peaches’ not free. At least so Pete Doherty says. A story for another day. She’s a bit of a honey really!!!
Luckily after Peaches and porn, Pete came to the rescue to overthrowing the tyrannical influx of imperialist Walmart (damn them all the hell). So it seems Walmart (stab their eyes!!) have this really interesting trade practise. You see what you do is you employ people for very little money, don’t let them have union membership, THEN get rid of them when they are about due for a pay rise… Genius. I think Little Johnny’s been reading the handbook and calling it ‘Work Choices’!! WBF will be following the apparent influx of Walmart (pickle their underpants) and keep you posted. Interestingly, their german chain (Berlin Wall-mart – not actually the name but it amused me) has packed up and gone home! Yep, they went bust. So maybe if we have a forward thinking social democratic government they won’t come here. Fat chance of that, Little Johnny wants them here.
The US has brought us some fantastic cinema; “Fight Club”, “Citizen Kane”, and now, hot on the heals of “Miami Vice” and “White Chicks” – “Snakes on a Plane”!!! Oh it sounds like cinematic GENIUS!! Take snakes, put them on a plane, get Samuel L Jackson to say some cool stuff – and you have a film!! Mutha fucka… see i did it just then. I call it; “Abe on a Plane”. You see i get on a plane with Samuel L Jackson and we swear a lot… and carry guns… and swear a lot!! “Damn bitch”!! SEE!!! But check out the website – www.snakesonaplane.com – at least the website is good.
Other noticeable points of the show – Richards amazing dissappearing cockney accent, and Pete being caught out knowing the name of Michael Hutchence’s mum. Interesting for the fact he didn’t – but thought he’d fake it anyway…
Look i know you’ve waited patiently – it’s your favourite time of the piece. Ladies and Gentlemen – The Fuck-o-Meter!!! Interesting turn of events. Pete got in first. A deliberate tactical move for Pete so he earns two extra points for getting in early AND for the element of surprise. 10:45 it was, a time that will live in infamy. Of course Richard then lapped him 3 times over – but hey, he made his point. Even i lapsed in self-censorship and my usual “**ck” turned into “f*ck” and dammit you can read between the lines. I lapsed. I will atone!! All praise the Fuck-o-Meter.
WBF – back in turquoise – next week!!!