EPISODE #279 – Packed Full of Tour De France Tested Performance

Back in the dim dark passages of time – there was Episode 279. Fabled amongst seafarers and pirate bands, it cruises the high seas looking for bounty, adventure and a good ride… sounds like Saturday night with Brittney Spears!!

With a generally odd slant on the world, WBF have decided to start the WBF Tour De France. Yes, you still get the tight bike shorts, the impromptu toilet stops along the way, and of course the French, BUT now you also get performance enhancing drugs. “But we already have that” I hear you say. Well yes, but this time it’s out in the open! In fact the drug companies sponsor the event!! Watch as you favourite Spanish cycling team all have a reaction to a new drug, maybe sprout breasts, or develop instant werewolf status with excessive hair growth. See the US team endorse Viagra in the only way one can truly endorse that product – bummer about the wind drag. Then of course you could see the French team lose as their drugs are revealed to be placebos and they actually perform like they should; run last, then cry and try to change the rules! Good idea, huh? You heard it here first though, okay!?

From “WBF Tour de France” to Matt’s phallic enhancements, Hulk Hogan’s divorce, and “Next Great American Band” – it was all covered, digested and sent on it’s way to Malabar.

The new Labor Federal government of Mr Kevin 07 himself, hit the ground running by ratifying Kyoto. This received a standing ovation from delegates, air time on international TV giving Australia a good environmental reputation again, and the ability to now stick it up the yanks!!

The revelation the Pete now loves the NFL was quite a shock. After years of abuse towards myself from the Peter-Meister regarding my interest in NFL, his recent conversion to All-Amercian Boy is almost complete! Not only does he like the game, he’s also discovered where Bryant Gumbel went after leaving the US Today Show. He really has turned American. All from reading USA Today. Maybe they should parachute those into Iraq and see what happens!

In politics this week – Julia Gillard, the woman formerly known as Juuuuuuuuuuulia, received quite the pat on the back from K-Rudd when she became a minister; two ministries!! That’s a lot to do!! Makes her a very big target for the Opposition too… wait on… what Opposition!? Also, Maxine McKew FINALLY won the seat of Bennelong from Little Johnny Tool Bag. Howard still wouldn’t concede until 100% of the votes were in, but finally he was out on his rear! Unfortunately for us this leaves him more time to finish his autobiography! I think there’s a number of titles up for consideration, but my personal favourite is: “White is Right – How To White Wash, Racially Vilify and Buy the Australian Electorate”. Expect it on your shelves any day now. It’ll be a page turning re-writing of history where Muslims threatened the very fabric of Australian society and boat loads of terrorists descended on to our shores. He was the lone defender – One People, One Nation, One Ruler… ummmmmmmm, ,think he pinched the last bit…

To brush up on his writing, his very last ‘column’ (insert propaganda piece) was published in the local TWT newspaper. Now the people at TWT love Little Johnny Tool Bag, and love his take on the world! But with his election defeat the election results were relegated to page 10 & 11 of the TWT. The most hotly contested seat in the country was in the area TWT publishes, but the results – unfavourable to their man – weren’t published on the front page. In more recent weeks though, the owner of TWT has been seen cuddling up to the new local member Maxine McKew. Et tu TWT, et tu!?

Pete’s new segment Start Brendon the News started this week with the National Party voting in a new leader after their election defeat. Now this may seem important… but after a sizeable drubbing… there’s only 10 of them in the parliament anyway!! Couldn’t they just share? Day on, day off sort of thing? Meanwhile Brendon Nelson, the Liberal Party leader who was once an ALP member but still voted Liberal was on about nuclear power. Maybe he thought that if he glowed in the dark someone might actually notice him!!

Poll Smoking looked at the post-election polls, and revealed some interesting tidbits:
In the question “Why did the Coalition lose the election?” respondents revealed it wasn’t time for a change – they actually didn’t like Johnny Howard! They didn’t like him, his policies, his direction or him (I said that twice, it needed stressing!!). People had decided months out from the election that they didn’t want Howard as PM any more… thank god sanity prevailed!
Further more, the split between what voters thought was important was very polarising:
ALP voters thought that education was the top issue of importance 77%, and then the environment with 70%.
Meanwhile the Coalition voters thought that the economy was the most important issue at 81% followed a loooong way behind by the environment at 40%. See how out of touch they are? Idiots!! Good bloody riddance…

Fuck O Meter this week:
P: 3
R: 3
A: 0
FuckOMeter 278.JPG

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