EPISODE #259 – A Very Original Lotto Entry

Putting his money where his mouth is Richard has bit the bullet, put his left foot in, then his left foot out, his left foot in and shook it all about – and enrolled to vote… He’ll be able to be on a jury, get junk mail, AND end up on the government black list for the APEC meeting! “Democracy, missing in action”! Now for those excited by this, you have to understand how Richard votes. You see he draws a large phallus on the voting paper, then just randomly fills in number. Weird you think? Well check this out; Pete on the other hand goes into the booth, downs pantaloons, and just wraps the sheet around his member. Oh and if you were wondering, i can’t vote… still on day release! See – don’t say we take this seriously.

The government have decided they will call a national emergency and solve the “Aboriginal Crisis”. Now this is a serious issue. Long have the indigenous people pf Australia been marginalised, ignored, and till recently killed by not only the former categories, but also by poison, bullets and starvation. God Bless Australia! Now lets put this into perspective; this policy has been released by a very unpopular government 6 months out from an election. They have made a unilateral decision to engage in a “policing action” which will involve the police and the military. Now let me ask you this – have you noticed any one who may be able to help that is missing from the group just listed? Hmmmm, maybe doctors, nurses, social workers, engineers, architects, plumbers, town planners, environmental scientists, teachers, and major corporations? Yes, they would be able to help – but instead, Little Johnny has gone all GWB and sent in people with guns. So what’s the reaction been? Well the populace, already with the memories of “The Stolen Generation” in their minds, have done what they naturally would do – flee. They have now left the lives they know to become refugees in their own country. And we know how much this government loves refugees. This is all about spin. The percentage of alcoholics and abusers is no higher in the aboriginal community than it is in the white community. So why send in the army?? This is just more “them and us” politics from Little Johnny. In reality this wouldn’t be happening if they were white!

An Evian-powered Richard, and Passion-Pop Pete then moved onto the Battle for Bennelong. Little Johnny, ironically at the St Kevin Festival in downtown Eastwood, to open his new campaign office (it’s easy to spot – it’s the one with the guard towers and the “Whites Only” sign out the front) has published yet another article in the local paper, the TWT (Totally Worthless Text). This time he extols the virtues of local governance and the importance of the community – while at the same time running the most successful federalist integration since federation! Oh Johnny, if only your arse wasn’t subsuming your head you may be able to see the light.

UltraVox were a band, were a bad band… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway… Midge Ure (picture below) was a member (and what a member) but these days he just seems to get honorary doctorates. Medicine, the arts, hair dressing, Master of the Wang – he has them all! Including being the secret identity of Doctor Doom – evil protagonist to the Fantastic Four! What does that mean? I don’t know!
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So Peaches is getting her own reality TV show. Apparently it’s like Paris’ except without that horrible cheap green night vision lens. Peaches will be using the latest technology in night vision as a crew follow her around in her daily life. Thankfully they have the latest technology on Macro lens’ too – that way they can film DJ Ping’s micro doodle and Peaches brain and still keep them in the same shot!
Fuck O Meter this week was interesting:

Pete – 4
Richard – 0 (on a technicality)
Abe – 2

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Show 258- its hot, its a size zero and its sexy

Fresh from the runways of Paris (oui, oui) WBF show 258 shows you the latest in haute couture, hot designs and what you will be wearing (not wearing) all summer.  For more, add yourself to our myspace http://www.myspace.com/walkblackforest

Details: http://www.archive.org/details/wbfshow258

Show: http://www.archive.org/download/wbfshow258/wbfshow258.mp3 

 

EPISODE #258 – The Golden Spit Bucket!

With Richard flying in the door later than John Howard’s indigenous care policy, WBF quickly became embroiled in a conundrum; can the NSW Police Force have an Intelligence Service? You see this activist was approached by these so called Intelligence Service people (Ahmed was his name apparently – likely story) to spy on other activists. Daniel Jones (was a man, was a big man) is a self-proclaimed “socialist”, and like pretty much the entire socialist network in Sydney would in reality be more interested in selling their newspaper than any kind of insurgency. So the NSW Police have missed the mark again – hell i think my newsagent could tell them more, and he sells comics too!

The Education Government, that’s what Little Johnny wants to be known for (well it’s better than being implicated in the murder of 100s of thousands of civilians in Iraq, the illegal detention of refugees, the race baiting and marginalisation of new Australians and their families, the misappropriation of mental health funding, restricting women’s ability to access reproductive choice, dismantling of fair workplace practices, corporatisation of the media and the loss of more Australian assets as we continue sell the farm) but unfortunately the measly 100 million dollars you expect 39 universities to “share” will not wipe away the true legacy of your uncompassionate, economic rationalist as all costs, inhumane, and unfair rule. Walk away Little John – your legacy is set – don’t waste our money on your last pathetic grasps for power!

Victory for the geese this week as scientists find a link between pate, more specifically foie gras, and a number of diseases not least of which is dementia and abnormal protein deposits which funnily find themselves in the same family as Mad Cow Disease. Ain’t revenge sweet! Free the geese!!!

As Pete continues his indepth series “Battle For Bennelong” and Richard strongly considers ringing Centrebet to put money on a Rudd victory, the National Party have begun their campaign to support the Howard reelection bid in Bennelong, beginning what has become known as Door-Knock-Gate. Now personally i wouldn’t really like any National Party members knocking on my door to spruik for Howard. That being said, if they’re at the front door, at least they aren’t out the back with the sheep getting involved in some Back Door Gate action!

Peaches this week brought out an unusual reaction in Pete – so excited by the content was he, that he actually managed a semi-Geldolf. Lucky he wasn’t wearing tights! With reports that the BBC was somehow impartial in it’s cross promotion of Richard Curtis productions on their programming, Peaches has been getting involved with a bit of festival action. Not too sure as what – maybe the bearded lady! Richard Curtis it must be said has had his moments; Blackadder, The Young Ones, and of course the deleted scene of him and Michael Douglas from Spartacus. Such unrequited love!!

The FuckOMeter this week:

Peter: 6
Richard: 3
Abe: 1

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Our fame continues to spread

Yes, now even the church is targeting us.  We must be really getting on Johnny’s nerves now, he has the exclusive brethern out to get us.  Let your eyes prove our case. 

We will never hide, we will never back down.  Well, I can say that as loud and proud as I want because ASIO told me that they have found out where abe and richard live and that they think I still have my super-secret Pete-PAD in Manly.  If only they knew I lived in Sadlier..damn!

 

Sign discovered by WBF fan in Birmingham, Alabama.  How far will you go, JH?

 

 

EPISODE #257 – Room Service at the Paris Hilton

With appearances by Denzel Washington, Cardinal George Pel, and Paris Hilton, this show was one to make the history books.
Now the media is a convoluted beast, especially in the US. So much so, that Fox News (mouth-piece of the US Government) is apparently sheltering Osama Bin Laden. Not really a big leap – lets look at history; the US has armed Bin Laden, helped his family flee from the US after the 911 attacks (that he supposedly planned), and “tried to find him” for years. Maybe it makes sense he’s working there… I mean in a world of economic rationalism the guy needs a job! He can’t keep being a CIA stooge forever.
[At this point i zoned out – something about music from 1994, some producer who liked Baby Animals, Pete liking it both ways and an arena spectacular starring Zoot and Sherbet…]
Paris Hilton’s been in the news, but try as they might they still can’t find her best side… She’s found God, decided to stop being dumb and had what some are calling a Bimboaplasty. If that means having a bimbo attached to her, just call Lindsay Lohan – she needs a friend!
… and the big hand’s not working on the WBF clock!
Little Johnny, Prime Minister of Australia, Sheriff in the Region to GWB’s Junta, and all ’round tool box has been raising money to get back into power… as if 10 years isn’t enough! Luckily Little Johnny has something no other candidate has, tax payer dollars, and he used them to have himself a little party! Kirribilli House, his Sydney residence was used for an $8,250 a head dinner party for business big wigs, with all funds going to Little Johnny. He didn’t see a conflict of interests, he didn’t see a problem – oh well guess it wasn’t a “core” dinner party.
Pete had fun this week choosing his US number plates! You can too!! Here’s a few military ones i thought appropriate!
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Cardinal Pel the Archbishop of Sydney thinks teachers in catholic schools should be more like priests… get your kids out of Catholic schools!!!
With Peaches behaving so well and doing a DJ set at a recent Motley Crue concert (not really a suitable place for an 18 year old girl you’d think…) it’s time to chat about Papa Bob! You see, GWB has many many high powered meetings; the Pope, UN delegates, Mickey Mouse… and Bob Geldof. Now see Bob wanted to talk about what Bob always wants to talk about: Bob! With his medals now put aside for next time, Bobby and Bono met with GWB. GWB suitably impressed by their impassioned talk of solving hunger described the meeting as only one such as him can: “I’m hanging with good company”. He must have forgotten their names – or he though Bono was one of the 7 dwarves…
Fuck O Meter this week:
Pete: 6
Richard (completely missing the irony): 3
Abe: (not too sure where he was) 0
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… and a last word from Richard:
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I mean how far away do you want to stand from the urinal anyway??

EPISODE #256 – Kentucky Fried Chicken Flaps

There are many things that mystify man; Eddie McGuire, petrol prices, and Hu Jin Tao (Hu Jin Tao? We all Jin Tao!!). This week, Richard in his infinity wisdom found a new one. If you weren’t there it’s hard to import the seriousness of the preponderance. Suffice to say – it can wait…

As WBF enters the digital age, the often mentioned never really accepted MySpace has become the latest conquest. As Pierre said previously, you can access WBF via the MySpace IPP (Internet Posing Portal) any time of the day or night. It’s Web 2.0 compatible, and at no extra cost DRM free. Pete, the MySpace Webmaster, has so far collected a number of people and plans on conquering more. In fact the Liberal Party are looking into MySpace – interesting considering they have been calling for it to shut down everytime there’s a teen suicide!

The Republicans in the US are trying to get rid of GWB – do they realise he can’t legally win the next election? You can only have two terms then they have to come up with a new candidate. he coudlnt’ possibly legally win… oh that’s right, he didn’t win the last one legally either!!

The Americans are a strange lot; my country’s bigger than yours, my food is fattier than yours, our bombs are bigger than yours – and now our terrorist attack is bigger than yours! Almost every week a terrorist plot “bigger than 911” is foiled. So WBF suggest we have “911 – The Arena Spectacular”. Headliners include John Farnham (who will again come out of retirement), those annoying kids on the Qantas ads, and Celine Dion. Ah Celine, your legacy will be long, painfully out of tune and over hyped. Just like your career!

[Note to listeners of the Web 2.0 compatible DRM-free downloadable version of the show – THIS is where Pete threw his first French reference]

Our very own PM, The Climate Warrior, and Malcolm Turdbill (the Minister for Affluence and Effluent) have been busily “leading the environmental agenda” in the lead up to the election. It’s a solid agenda, it’s a proven agenda – in fact it’s so solid it’s been done before. In fact it’s a good 15 years old and has been the policy the Labour Party have been following the entire time the Howard Junta has been ignoring the environment. Go Little Johnny.

[Somewhere in here Richard mentioned Goatse… ’nuff said]

The Batik Caravan arrives in Sydney soon with APEC leaders meeting in Sydney. Now how do i put this? NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!!!!! The city will effectively be locked down for almost 2 weeks. The State Government doesn’t want it – but Little Johnny’s decided it’s going to happen! The Police have some new powers; closing streets, closing whole suburbs down if need be, and of course ritual sodomy. Strap in kids, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

And finally Ms Peaches, our MySpace friend! Peaches is lying low, but daddy Big Bob, has been touring the world big noting himself. Decked out in medals he went to Gorbachev’s birthday. If only Gorby still controlled the Spetsnaz!!!

Fuck O Meter this week

Pete: 2
Richard: 1
Abe: 2

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Oh and if you’re wondering… Richard was contemplating Chicken Vaginas. Not for any real reason – just recreationally!!