WBF Show 322 – The death of the expert

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You see, time is a complex thing. It requires Professor Brian Cox to walk slowly through a forest and be shot through a filter of bright light and autumnal colours to explain it deep and harmonious complexity.  As Prof Cox tells us, time bends, time is not a constant, but it is ‘totes amazeballs’. I have been thinking a lot about time recently as I soak up the rays at the WBF yoga retreat and organic pantry, located somewhere on a remote island around 150km west of Tahiti.  Over the nearly 70 year career of the three radio legends who currently host the show, time has afforded us many luxuries (great wealth, insanity, gold plated dribble trays and a houseboy called Boris).  Time has also cruelled our sharp wit and ferocious humour to the point where we only land 97.43% of our zingers.  Richard especially suffers.  Abe and I have been carrying him for decades, propping up his lack of cultural knowledge, his inability to understand what Uber is and more recently we have endured through his Taylor Swift obsession.  We have allowed him to wear his hair á Taylor and date Tom Hiddleston.  We have even let him practice being abused by Kanye (Abe played Kanye).  But for one magic moment in time, one sweet spot of comedy, one glorious exception when the blonde bob and the haters went away, we returned to the airwaves to deliver the Westvleteren XII of comedy (go on look it up bitches, you have the Internet now, find out the Broomball scores whilst you are it).

We present A Walk in the Black Forest Show 322, live from the Matt Curley Memorial Studios in downtown Gladesville, Sydney, NSW, Australia.  We are now 20 months later into our story.  The good Prince Trump is about ascend to the throne and kill all the fat princesses.  The Queen of the Kingdom now rules with an iron fist (no comment Abe) and has appointed the court fools of Boris, Liam and Jeremy H-UNT to manage the kingdoms exit from the land of prosperity.  And Malcom fucking won, sort of. Well maybe Corey won, Pauline certainly did and because of that climate science is as DEAD as the whole planet will be in January 2017.  And yes, we squeezed pretty much of all that into the first 15 minutes short minutes of abuse, talking over each other, belching, in-jokes and pen throwing. 

Maybe it is time to explain why we do this every 2 years.  We hate each other. With a passion. Our lawyers have been at it for decades.  Writs fly in faster than Pauline Hanson says no to a halal snack pack (or more quickly than Sam Dastyari says yes to a Chinese loan). Last year we had lawsuits running in six different jurisdictions, including London, Sydney, New York, Johannesburg, Paris (just so Pete could speak French; le wankeur) and for some strange reason Djibouti. I think it was just so Richard could get out of the plane and say ‘Check our Djibouti.  Have you seen Djibouti? Did that smell come from Djibouti. He is so racist. 

But after much negotiation, some delicate agreements around the topics of conversation, the number of ‘fucks’ we could say, the songs you hear, the exact airtime we all we have (we agreed to 32mins 47.6 seconds each) we got on air.  And this is the result of that spontaneous, creative and legally binding process.  

WBF Show 320 – I love the sound of static in the morning (circa 2009)

OK, there really is not a lot to say about this. This is the final WBF show ever broadcast on 2RRR, Sydney’s number one community station, the voice of the people and home of HARDCORE. It happened in 2009, sometime in April. This change was necessitated by a number of factors. One, we believed that terrestrial broadcasting was as dead as the chances of Tony Abbott winning an election and becoming Prime Minister (oh, how that idea us made us laugh in an era where we actually let PM’s be leader for more than 47 days – yes, we are looking you Julia, you started this). Two, we thought in the end that these ‘internets’ would dominate the world, allow us to be the next media superstars and take what was simply ground breaking comedy. Ground. Breaking. Comedy. And Three, I think we offended pretty much everyone we possibly could have with this show. We offended K.Rudd. We offended cats. We offended Osama Bin Laden. We offended Matt Curley. We offended Abe. And Pete was the most offended of us all. It caused us so much offence that we went nearly 6 years before we got together in a studio and did another show and he moved to another fucking country.

Let’s be fair. I could run through all the lines. ‘Good looks. Big Dick. I even bought the t-shirt. Armani designed it.’ Who was Captain Planet and why was he called that. French Weaponry. Abe watches the Wire (which is now ‘classic’ TV). Say something French…oui! Fuck Telstra, Abe, do you own any Telstra shares? Technophages. Richard predicted the end of Telstra…how did that work out? If only he had said Australia Post, what a prescient mother he would have been. What are fighting in Afghanistan for? More uses of the word ‘fuck’ than ever. We gave up counting after the intro. One of the issues we have is that our show is timeless in an entirely time locked way. So, we are unapologetic in the way that this show is entirely rooted (tee-hee) in the politics of 2009. When you think about, how much has actually happened in that time? 4 changes of PM, Pete living in the UK for six years under a conservative junta. 3 NSW Premiers. 8 trips back to Australia by Pete through various hipster colonies. Eighteen different recipes for gin gimlets. Richard converting to Scientology and Mormonism. Abe dating Peta Credlin. A Peta Credlin, not the Peta Credlin.. 97 internet memes featuring Kim Kardhasian. One gold and white dress. Kanye West.

Oh, and a mention of Leonard Nimoy. RIP Spock. Live long and Prosper.

It never rains but it pours, constantly. All the fucking time. Drizzle. More WBF history part II

PART II of our gift back to you. Three more tracks of dubious origin, but award winning thespianity. We give you two Shakespeare inspired pieces, plus one less Shakespeare, more Coleridge. And you never know, you might even laugh.

Romeo and Juliet

This is the very first sketch we wrote and it one of the only truly collaborative sketches we did. It is probably not that funny as we were trying to be smart. We soon learnt that fart sounds and the word rectum were funnier than Shakespeare. Oh how right we were, Kyle.


Keeping up the same theme, here is a sketch written by Richard and acted by Richard and Pete doing his worst posh british accent. That skill however has been incredibly useful in his new career as a butler to a variety of minor royalty.

Blokes again

Oh dear. Culture at last. Richard and Pete do Coleridge and Chisel, at once, in the same sketch. I think Pete wrote this one. Like almost everything we did, it was extremely Pythonesque.

It never rains but it pours, merchandise from the WBF audio archive

See, we told you we were back motherfuckers. We have decided that really, after years of recording to Edison cylinder (see Shows 1-200) and then updating for the post digital age and putting out all our shows on 8 track cassette, it was time to discover ‘the internet’. Now to be fair, none of us really understand the ‘internets’ and ‘the world wide web’. We are, at heart, technophobes and luddites. (although funny story, luddites weren’t actually anti-technology, they were pro-work – Perhaps we might be better described as Neo-Luddites, who according to Wikipedia represent the cause of ‘Neo-Luddism (which) has emerged to describe opposition to many forms of technology, According to a manifesto drawn up by the Second Luddite Congress (April 1996; Barnesville, Ohio), Neo-Luddism is “a leaderless movement of passive resistance to consumerism and the increasingly bizarre and frightening technologies of the Computer Age.’ Oh wait…)

Sorry, what was I saying…
Yes. Luddites.

We have put some of our archive material on Soundcloud, free to use and download, all creative commons, all the time. We shall be uploading more and more over the next few weeks. Is it any good? We will be judge of that. Will it win us the Grammy we have craved for decades? Maybe. And then, maybe, just maybe, Kanye will interrupt Beyonce to say it is a travesty that we were robbed of glory.

Here are the first three for your sonic arousal. Fifty shades my arse.

Right-ho kids, you can now make your own A Walk in the Black Forest! Go back to Show 1 and start again!! Be Richard!! Be Pete!! Be Abe!!!! or even, be Alex! Hours and hours of fun can be had by all.

This is an early sketch written by Pete and with characters played by Richard and Alex. It might be funny, maybe.

This was a later period sketch written by Pete, from an idea based on Abe’s ‘hey chicano’ verbal meme and clearly demonstrates the breadth and depth of our acting skills (oh, and Richards inability to do a Latino accent at the time, ask him now, you would think he was Marc Anthony. Oh, and Home Yardage is a fabric chain in Australia. It might also be a little racialist. Sorry

WBF Show 321: Tinder and Grndr – Just for research

Right. There are two ways to approach to this.  We could simply spill the beans.  Make reference to gaps, breaks, holidays and hiatus (yes, we had that cured).  But you know, does anyone really care?  I don’t. Abe certainly doesn’t. Richard just doesn’t understand the whole thing. Now Abe cries. Peter giggles. Richard farts.  Abe cries again. You know the trope.


This is a Walk in the Black Forest, Show 321. Almost everything we predicted in Show 320 never happened.  Apparently, the liberals won the election and Tony Abbott became Prime Minister.  It was then that we knew we were dreaming.  It was a vision inspired by a truckload of Ketamine, some mushrooms we found under a tree in a farm owned by Asher Keddie and these tiny blue pills prescribed by our doctor for a thing called ‘E.D’.


In the end, WBF show 321 almost like felt six years had passed, but clearly it hadn’t.  I checked my watch.   It was still 2009.  I am still waiting patiently for the London Olympics.  I am listening to my Bill Cosby records. Rolf is a national hero. Knighthoods will never exist again.  A German is Pope, and he used to be be in the Hitler Youth. And that’s better.  KRudd is a national hero and Julia will stand by him no matter what. Gary Glitter, well he is just a pervert really.


What the hell, listen to the show. See if you can find meaning in the chaos.  See if there is a polished turd amongst the sea of shits and giggles. And maybe, just maybe, we might be back once in a while to ride the wave of the post-digital age, to laugh and mock uproariously at the idea of an on-going Liberal government and to continue making the case, to everyone who will listen, we were just on Tinder and Grndr for RESEARCH. R.E.S.E.A.R.C.H.



or for those locked into ‘old’ media. Also, this is where you might find hundreds of hours of fun.





t-minus some time or other

prepare for something to come.  douche if you feel you need to, perhaps a spritz of 4711 or old spice (whatever your poison).  As soon as we solve the age old issues of timezones and Pete’s wanky travel adventures, we can bring you more ……..  (insert your rude ideas here)


and now…

more hot politicians

one this time for laaadies

Mexican Presidente Vicente Fox!

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes

Ladies and gentleman, it is I that have to apologise for the delayed return of your favourite pum, bum und fart humourmongers.  I have been on a quest, a mission, a pilgrimage if you will to find something that seems to be hiding from me, taunting me with hope and then vanishing faster than malcolm turdbills hair rinse.  Yes, I have searched the world high and low.  I have travelled, yes my friends, I have travelled, I have travesed, I have travailled, I have trav-cationed to exotic locales such as Bristol, Dallas, Aachen and well, to be honest, Paris to find this rare and elusive thing.  No, its it not nude pictures of  Tzipi Livni (But if you have any, you are a sick puppy, destroy them NOW!) nor is it the musing sof John Howard about the glory of the ashes (although I did have to listen to that, made me violently sick all over keyboard).  No, it’s the search for the miracle that is the


Once I have found it, we can start insulting everyone we like

Message ends

Peace Out

I have a dream

I have a dream, that one day left wing political comedy (with the odd fart and queef gag) will exist on the interwebernets in an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream, that one day three walkers will not be judged by the count of swear words used on air, but by the quality of their John Howard gags. I have a dream, that Yulia Tymoshenko and Julia Gillard in just stilettos and fishnets visit me while I’m asleep and start rubbing their… oops, wrong dream.
Stay tuned, we’re currently finalising our deal with Mr Acma, ready for a potentially triumphant return.

Does my climax look big in this?

So what’s the big announcement? Here at WBF we’re not unused to climax. Did I say climax? Climax with a double negative no less. Oh yes, we’re certainly not unused to not raining on the metaphorical parade of old Climaxius Dramatis. Or as Aristotle once said, Pythias! Pythias! Pyythiiaaasss!!. A big announcement announced, and then no announcement, just silence… So much for suspense, not that we’re not unused to anticlimax, as I challenge you to find a single joke by Pete that Abe or I didn’t ruin first, or at least its certainly not unlikely that we didn’t not…

Confused? We’ve left 2RRR. That’s it, that’s the big announcement. After 15 years, we’re outa there, and heading for podcasting glory. We just figured we’d get out before community radio died out altogether.

Now we did record the final show, for those of you who’ve asked. Well, one guy asked. Well, he didn’t really ask, he sort of insisted. A Mr Acma or something like that. Any ways, the show’s still embargoed, because I said something about Matt Curley. Hopefully Mr Acma will get back to us in the coming weeks, so you can enjoy all the wholesome goodness of me at my finest.

So we’re taking a month or so off, just to reset the show, take stock, and make some big changes to the show format. Stay tuned. Or don’t. Up to you really. We’re certainly not unconcerned about your need for regular WBFness…

Putting the ‘boom’ back into boombox

So, Abe tags this series of shows that officially revel the ‘other’ big announcement.  Of course, those of you who have been following this blog would know that we revealed in the first big announcement that Abe was a woman.  He would like to thank all of you who have sent him lingerie, stunning sass and bide dresses, some hot ksubi low slung jeans and a those slingback Manolo Blahniks are just stunning on him, makes his legs look so long…but the bastard who is trying to peddle pics of Abe dressed only in a belt, I’d heard the Tele is in the market…

Show 319  – The Big Announcement

On this show, we have a report from a Ministerial press conference, we explore like *everyone* Pauline Hansons nipples, Barack watch, and Dick Cheney acting like a giant tool (Part 651), we start www.gitmo.com and the classic Coon(an) watch and of course the BIG FUCKING ANNOUNCEMENT!

Show: http://www.archive.org/download/wbfshow319/wbfshow319.mp3

Details: http://www.archive.org/details/wbfshow319

Show 320 – The Show after the big announcement

Ron Paul, K-RUDD hangs with out with Will Ferrell, Eros Foundation busts Hansons nut, and then Richard disses Joss Whedon, how fucking dare he…bastard


Show: http://www.archive.org/download/wbfshow320/wbfshow320.mp3

Details: http://www.archive.org/details/wbfshow320