EPISODE #239 – Spreading Jesus For Breakfast

The crowds flock, women weep, children get hit by carts – the whole village turned out for the return of Richard. Some thought it a publicity stunt for his forthcoming CD release with Beyonce, but no, in fact he has returned to the field of battle!

As we rejoiced at the return, GWB has not been so happy. Nothing to do with Richard, mind you i’m not too sure he’s heard him sing, but with Iraq (Irak). You see the War To Terrorise hasn’t been going so well. You see, those civilians are pesky – they keep fighting back. Who knew kids would defend their dead and dying friends?! So intead of “Staying the Course” the US are now going to use terms that don’t solve the problem in Iraq (Irak), they’re just going to ‘Rephrase The Debate’. Use new words for ‘defeat’, maybe a new one for ‘civilian casualties’ or ‘breach of the Geneva Convention’, or even ‘ooops we did it again!’. In Australia we don’t have to worry – our government just keep using the same phrase over and over “Yes Master!”.

With Pete keeping us informed about world affairs, it was up to me to bring it down to the important issues… Jesus. Look, he pops up everywhere. Hanging from car rear-vision mirrors, in places of worship, even during Christmas time – but now we think he should follow in the footsteps of James Blunt and Jude Law – and I don’t mean sleep with Sienna Miller. That’s right, appear on toast! I mean look, what’s breakfast without a bit of forgiveness – “Forgive us this day, our daily bread“!! See, there’s something in it. So next time you’re spreading a celebrity – maybe think of spreading Jesus.

So for some reason Jesus lead us to vegetarianism/ veganism. Now with both Richard and I having been both, and me still holding on valiantly, this was an interesting topic. If you’re vego, what meat product would you break your vego commitment to. So the first meaty meal you would have. Now for me it’s easy – Christina Aguilera! For Richard it was a variety of foods. Foods he eventually threw up, but some of it is probably still rotting in his stomach as we speak!! Now Pete on the other hand, has never gone the vego option, and during the discussion we worked out why. He’s all about the meat!!! In fact on Oxford street, that’s his nickname – Mr Meat.

The talk of meat, as vile as it was, had a happy ending that left me drooling Richard discovered a utoipa. A place of refuge from the madding crowd. Where all people can get together, taked refuge in tanks and blow the crap out of each other with Tankball!!! Take Paintball, use tanks instead and we have Tankball! Hell if i was going to be playing – i’d want a tank – bugger it, i want one to go shopping in too!! In fact this is the tank they use;

FV432 with 30mm Radden Turret… sexy!!
Now if you don’t have a tank at home (HELLO!!!), try this then: Online Tankball.

Millions of Peaches returned with a flurry too. Apparently Peaches is now bored of DJ Tourettes. She fancies Fred Lez, and showed her affection (according to the UK media) with a bit of a pash and a “finger fest”… But apart from Fred Lez, Peaches is also starting her own jewellery range. They can’t think of a name. It was going to be ‘Diamonds 4 Girls’, then they thought about ‘Twinkly Things I Like’, but didn’t fit on the label. So now they’re pretty happy with the name ‘Pearl’. So she’ll start off with a Pearl necklace, some Pearl earrings, and maybe some Pearl beads. Well that’s her Saturday night sorted, now she just has to decide on what jewellery to sell!

The Fuck-O-Meter was a little active, but settled down as we went along. I lost count after 3 all in the first 20 minutes.

Abe Written by:

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