EPISODE #248 – Richard’s not here – let’s get phallic!

Pete has an attachment to all things phallic. Pens, rockets, John Howard – and with Richard away… he let fly!

First of all, Peter Jackson. The Man, the myth, the shrinking violet. See i like Peter Jackson! Lord of the Rings was cool, King Kong was way better than i thought. But for Pete, Jackson is the enemy. So he set his sight’s on Jackson’s One Ring. You see Jackson is suing New Line Pictures for money owed, they in turn won’t let him direct The Hobbit, a property he brought to them to make in the first place. It’s messy, it’s ugly… it’s basically a whole lot of people tooling off about how good they are. So, inevitably, this means TARGET ACQUIRED! Hell hath no fury like Pete’s… fury. Jackson ducked, he weaved, he hid behind a sheep till the temptation got the best of him! Thankfully he escaped while Pete prematurely reviewed “Bring It On 3”, staring Beyonce Knowles sister, Shlong Knowles.

With words like “Dominant Paradigm” it was time to talk US politics. GWB (this is his daughter BTW… and so is this – just for fun!!) has set about gaining the opinion of experts in foreign policy, economics, ethics and the VHS Beta debate to decide on exactly what America is going to do with Iraq. Stay/ go? He listened, he pondered, he had lunch – then he made a decision; let’s ignore the experts and send 20,000 more troops to Iraq! Oh GWB, you flying butthockey! He wants to “reach out and touch” Iraq, and not in a Catholic priest kind of way either. So we think that very soon the world will resound with this tune;
“Reach out and touch,
somebody’s hand,
Shoot and American,
if you can…”
Sad but true America. Wake up!!

From the ridiculous to the buff. LL Cool J. He is Da Man, and to prove it he has his very own workout book! LL, or as we know know him “Todd Smith” lets us in on the secrets to being buff, toned and magnetic to the lay-deez!!! More than anything, this just proves you can buy out ghetto attitude, social conscience and political subversion with a part in “SWAT”, some fly video clips and a workout book. LL – you suck!!

When people first meet Pete, they come away thinking how wise he is, how he sees the big picture, how his knowledge transcends that of most mortals, and that he plays with his mic far too much. So using these powers he has seen a vision – it was John Wood in Speedos, but thankfully we got him off that topic. It was Arnie running for President in 2012. Here it here first, Arnie Terminates the Democrats! Will it come true? If not… we never believed Pete anyway!

Little Johnny, the PM wants you to write to him. He wants to hear what you have to say. Strangely, so do ASIO – so think carefully what you write, or you’ll be locked up under their draconian anti-terror laws – and no one will know! That’s right, they don’t have to tell anyone – you just disappear. Hello fascism!!

The Fuck ‘o’ Meter this week was interesting. With the Richard factor gone, we predicted a change, and coup if you will when it came to this little part of the show… we were wrong!!

Peter: 5
Abe: 0
FuckOMeter 051206.JPG

Show 247 – The (slight) return of the prodigal son

After our ‘enforced’ layoff over Christmas and New Year, where the weight of fandom eventually drove us to our Taoist retreat and ritual birch whipping centre located on the beach at St Tropez, we returned refreshed but slightly scabby on the back to our newly purpose built studio 74 for a new year of WBF.

Unfortuntately Abe was enjoying the birch whipping way too much for our liking and stayed so that they could whip just a little lower…

And we were joined by a voice, a ghost from our past, if you will, Alex, who hasn’t been on the show since 1997 when we decided that his outdated political views (bring back Robert Menzies) went strongly against ours (I always prefered Ben Chifley, he smoked a pipe!).  So, Alex stupidly agreed to a one off return and proceeded to sit on the newly installed anal probe seat and proceeded to tell us what he did this decade (the answer, not much).

We started the show talking about evel knievel and his new device that releases heroin direct into his mangled, fused and twisted spine right there in his home Butte, Montana (as reported in the bible, USA Today).  We were wondering about it legality, but I am sure there is a local ordinance by the mayor entitled “Evel Knievel is allowed to put heroin straight into his spine enabling act 2006”

Richard discussed the handing out of pig soup in france to the jewish homeless.  It could have gone somewhere, except for the fact that pig soup sounds so incredibly gauche after the 3 star michelin rated gruel we had to endure at the WBF Taoist Retreat Centre or the… 

Le Une promenade dans la retraite de taoist de Forêt Noire et cinq tiennent le premier rôle le restaurant et échouent la ressource, rue Tropez

Yes, Richard, I am a wanker.

So it was onto the concept of who were the worst people to run a pregnancy advisory service.  Of course, as we know Tony “The puglisist” Abbott chose Centacare, the welfare arm of the Catholic Church.  w eknew we could do better in the sweep.  Alex started with the Krishna movement, this was after he tried to score with one and found out they only have sex for procreation, and he had never called his dick that and wasn’t about to start. Pete and Rich did have some ideas, but you know what, I can’t remember them, so they must have been funny.

Alex tried to help us find our purpose in life, but we kept coming back to the ideas of a charred mangled corpse of a bush eyebrowed fuck.  oh well, we can but dream…

Finally, Peaches made a re-appearance and we found out that firstly Johny Fucking Tourettes had been on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK where he tried to score with foorballer Teddy Sherringhams girlfriend, pissed in the shower and jumped in the spa fully clothed when he knows full well the BB rule about nude spa participation, especially if there will be some pseudo lesbian action for the TV cameras, yes Krystal I am talking to you!  We have also now been alerted to the fact that Johnny has a brother, his name is Dirk.  Dirk Tourettes.  Dirk twatface Tourettes.

oh, and for peaches, she wanted to go to dublin for new years with some mates to DJ and Saint Bobby the twat wouldn’t let her.  She cried, stomped her feet, slammed her bedroom door and screamed ” I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” at the top of her voice.  well, at least, thats how I imagine it. And in the background is the charred, mangled corpse of a bushy eyebrowed…

The fuck-o-meter went through the roof without Abe’s calming influence, because according to sources who shall remain jazzy, he is the only professional one on the show.

Alex: 9 (making up for lost time)

Richard: 8 (trying to catch up in the last minute and just falling short, played strong though)

Pete: 8 (nothing out of the ordinary for this swearing machine)