Programme Yanked from Air

Dude to the contentious nature of tonight’s programme – we were unable to bring you the truth without action by certain politically powerful heavy hitters.

Scientology, alien involvement in pre-history Earth, and the highly debatable question “What does Wilson Tuckey actually do in the government… apart from distract the media while Little Johnny introduces laws that will screw us over”?

… that and Pete had a date with Elton John!!

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EPISODE #243 – The Schmoodle Chronicles

Many strange things happen in the WBF studio. It’s where they hid Harold Holt… i just won’t tell you who hid Harold Holt! This week, apart from leap-frogging Harold, Richard decided it it was an opportune moment to punch Pete in the arm. Makes a change from where he’d want to punch him… boom boom!!!

Impartiality in government is important – which is why the Howard junta have decided to get Ziggy (The Zig) Switkowski, the head of the Uranium Association to head up the “impartial” government inquiry on whether we should have nuclear power stations in Australia. Of course this isn’t an emotive issue now is it? Lets treat it with contempt. Nice work Little Johnny!! This lead Pete to wonder about any inquiry into an Australian withdrawal from Iraq. With this kind of impartiality, we’re thinking Donald Rumsfeld, maybe former Head of the Military Peter Cosgrove to be the people to decide. God help us all!

With Little Johnny now becoming Climate-Warrior Howard, he took the opportunity to not meet with self-appointed bastion of goodness and ethical standards Bono. Strangely enough Bono did get to meet OberSturmbanfuhrer Costello. You’d think this would appease the moral minority – but Costello’s brother, in an act of sibling rivalry, has come out again to smack him down! Timbo Costello, God’s Archangel in Australia, has come forth (so many altar boy jokes) to say his brother really doesn’t get it. Timbo – dude – if we’re taking moral guidance from Bono, a man who thinks that true salvation from poverty and hunger is by spreading the word of the Catholic Church (the very body that has perpetuated the spread of AIDs and poverty in the 3rd world), then it’s not the Obersturmbanfuhrer who needs a reality check – it’s us!!

Pete played a Danzig song – Danzig’s a pussy!!

Little Johnny (or Soft Cock John if you prefer) has come out and told the world that Australia is now permanently part of Asia. Obviously he had a word with God and is pretty much convinced that the Australian continent isn’t going to be moving closer to the UK or the US and time soon. But it gives us an insight into what LJ has been on about this whole time. See by erasing human rights; locking refugees up, getting rid of economic considerations for the old and the sick, not signing onto the International Conventions of the Child – we are in fact bringing ourselves into line with a region governed by despots, dictators and religious zealots. Does he know this is a democracy though?

Apparently Band Aid was one of the greatest Entertainment Highlights in History – mind you, so was Michael Hutchence hanging himself according to the report Richard brought in. It was at this point that Pete used his encyclopedic knowledge to re-educate us on Hutchence family tree… Patricia Forsythe are you Michael Hutchence’s mum??

Think your life at school sucked? Well then, imagine if your name was Gandalf, Arsenal, Gazza (as the full name), Reebox, or Adidas. I’d also feel sorry for the kid called Superman…

Millions of Peaches this week was practically bereft of Peaches herself. But she was there to celebrate Michael Jackson’s recent pop award victory… must have been a proud moment. No uncomfortable silences there!!! At the same ceremony, Lindsay Lohan, who was hosting – was boo-ed off stage!! This is where we found out some more about Pete than we ever wanted to. Apparently he’s a big fan of ol’ Firecrotch!! Don’t know who Lindsay Lohan is? Try this. Or then again you may know her more recently from this:

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The Fuck O Meter this week:
Richard: 5
Peter: 3
Abe: 0
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EPISODE #242 – The Junta Collective!

Did you know (as Peter pointed out), putting a video of you singing Happy Birthday on YouTube would now mean you’re infringing on copyright under the new FTA with the US? How sucky is that?? Bummer for these people. They’re probably lucky (and you’ll never hear me say this…) and live in the US, and thus free from prosecution. We however are fukt!! Thanks Little Johnny! To celebrate the milestone Richard sang, breaking an already agreed upon pact not to sing as lobbied successfully for under what has become known as the Non-Singing Pact of 2006. I think this means Matt Curley officailly owns Richard’s car!!

WBF is now OFFICIALLY part of the Jaunt Collective. To celebrate we broke away, started talks with other collectives, then took over in a hostile action to form the Junta Collective. A collective of one! All Praise…

With Little Johnny on the rise in the polls – and it’s not hard with an Opposition Leader who does this – we took the time to interview the government spokesman on Enviro-Warrioring, John Howard. You see Little Johnny’s always loved the environment, after all we are the Lucky Country, a land of sweeping Akubras and white guys playing cricket – at least in Little Johnny’s eyes! Little Johnny was on the US Today Show last week. He tackled all the hard issues; how great GWB is, how Australian’s LOVE America, how Saddam Hussein is a threat to the whole world, and the Crocodile Hunter. All important stuff. Wonder if he thought of the FTA at any point. Probably just excited to chat to Matt Lauer!!

Where the WBF Junta starts, the Bush junta fades. The Democrats rise to power, and a new age of the same old shit different smell starts. To cater to the Right of US society (oddly the media) the Democrats will ultimately flip flop, ultimately let all those down who hoped they would be a ray of light, and ultimately send yet more kids to die and kill other kids in Iraq and Afghanistan. Think that’s a dark view? Just wait.

At least the now departed Donald Rumsfeld will dissappear to a life financed by the US expansion into oil territory he organised. As Americans watch Katie Couric give tributes on CBS news, and Fox laud him as a true hero, the Germans have called for him to be tried for war crimes – how ironic since he seems to be the only one to have escaped the original Nuremburg trials all those years ago. He would have fit right in!!!

Speaking of fascists; the government have decided to dangle money in front of a whole lot of rich people who are in charge of providing you and me with unbiased media coverage. I wonder what the result will be? Yes, that’s right… it’s a new reality TV show called “Who Can Suck Harder?”. Contestants from Fairfax, Murdoch, Packer and Stokes try to get more and more for less and less from the government by providing comlimentary coverage and basically swallowing hard – Jenna Jameson-style! While the prospect of less owners of these outlets is dangled for the drooling demigogs, the government meanwhile says that media diversity in Australia is safe in the hands of community radio. Funny that – since funding is being withdrawn and the prospects of community radio frequencies going up for sale is again being muted. Diversity – well until it can be sold to some for a lot of cash that is!!

Millions of Peaches this week saw Fred Lez playing tonsil hockey with young Peaches – nothing new there! See Peaches is currently juggling Fred Lez and Johnny %#*ing Tourettes. I don’t think juggling would be an easy task… while holding a crack pipe.

Fuck O Meter this week – Richard 4, Peter 2, Abe 1
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EPISODE #241 – 1st Annual Bikini Face off

Many things in life concern me; global warming, American Imperialism, Pete and Richard going to the toilet at the same time – but none so frightening as the prospect Pete put forth while discussing the US Mid Term Elections. Yes, Kirsty Ally and GWB in a bikini face off. You see Kirsty’s lost some weight, so she’s going on Oprah to show the world how great she looks. GWB lost a lot of seats in the afore mentioned elections this week – so he’s going on Oprah to show all the baggage he’s lost. First and foremost Donald Rumsfeld. Rummy, we’ll miss you! I’m sure the free people’s of the world won’t, but then again i’m sure some other narrow minded neo-fascist will come along to prove you were actually forward thinking in comparison… John Bolton anyone?

While many other parts of the world face US expansion via tanks and amphibious landing craft, Australia missed out. All we got was some paper and a Prime Minister with absolutely no back bone. The Free Trade Agreement (or as i like to call it “The Pax Americ-anus”) has basically meant we will do what America wants, when they want, and how they want it done. Sovereignty? NOOOOOOOO, we don’t need that when Uncle Sam know’s best!! So the latest selling technique used by Little Johnny and his goons of Laxness, has given us the new Copyright Laws. Oh so now you can video tape a show! Great!! BUT, somewhere in the impenetrable language of this agreement, we lost the rights to just about anything else. Like digital music? Sorry, can’t have that anymore! Want to import a DVD from the states? Sorry – you’re fukt my fine feathered friend!! Hey, don’t look at us – we didn’t vote for them, but your parents probably did!!

The well respected and influencial Time Magazine has chosen a list of people who have influeneced and changed our lives in a positive way. This of course coming from the magazine that brought you Man of the Year GWB. Impartial? Up to date? Contemporary? You make up your own mind! Now on the list we had such notables as the highly derivative JK Rowling, everyone’s favourite fascist Margaret Thatcher who single handedly ruined an entire nation, the dualing world “champions of the poor” Bob Geldof and Bono, and of course the man almost solely responsible for the spread of AIDs in Africa and Latin America, Pope John Paul II. Go John Paul!! Good to see these people will live on in the minds of the weak and stupid as people to praise. Next year, Idi Amin, Stalin, Peaches Geldof, Paris Hilton and Kim Jong Il…

Speaking of pregtentious egomaniacs, Peaches!! Millions of Peaches in fact. This week she was missing though. This week her dad – Boomtown Bob – strutted the stage as he urges the world to buy bonds to pay for vaccines that will go to the poor of Africa. Good old Bob, TV specials, bonds, music!! Now the question is, vaccine against what? Can you vaccinate against poverty or hunger? If only there was a vaccine against self absorbed arseholes, then we could all get vaccinated against him and his bloody daughter!

Although God himself/ herself banned the Fuck ‘o’ Meter last week – this week it returned. All round only 3 really stuck out… 3 each mind you! What do you think this is Play School?

EPISODE #240 – Reach Out and Touch…

As the universe settles over the revelations in “WBFTown – an Unauthorised Biography”, we revisited the Cronulla Riots. Remember those? When large groups of racially intolerant Australians decided to attack any “ethnic looking” Australians just because they could? Scenes of grown men and women punching and kicking, on mass, innocent fellow Australians because of their supposed ethnic background? Oh you don’t remember? Well maybe it’s because the story has now changed! This may sound more familiar; Patriotic young Australians decide to take back what was rightfully theirs from people who don’t look like them. That sound better? Well let’s just remember – these are the same Australians who attacked ambulances on the scene sent to help these innocent people, the same Australians who converged on terrified people on trains so they could hunt down “ethnics”, the same Australians who attacked families and defenceless motorists. Proud to be an Australian? If so, you must have missed this day!!

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WBF thinks there be some way to reward these “heroes” though. A parade, maybe a mini series on TV, or even a public holiday. Pete hit it on the head when he came up with “Stupid Dumb Aussie Fuckwit Day”. Carl Scully’s apparently interested in championing it.

We also, ironically, looked at the game Bully. In the game, you’re a student in a top private school, where violence and allegiances earn you points to proceed through the game. You can kill, be killed… and also make friends. Really good friends. In fact by kissing the right person, whether that’s a girl or boy, you can progress further through the game. It’s a bit like some top private schools in Sydney according to a recently released book – not too sure if in this game, teachers come onto students though!

The government has identified a need in Australian schools. Where as many classrooms have no air conditioning, or use temporary class rooms, combined classes or have to cancel programmes due to lack of funds, Little Johnny and his Junta have now discovered they have $9 million to spend on education. But not on these important things, he wants to use it on getting God into schools. Yes Chaplains as school counsellors. No bias there!!! Amazing, ever since Little Johnny won an election on the back of some Christian Fundamentalists – he seems to have found God. Is this man, and in turn this country, that easy to buy? One Nation under God – Little Johnny is the Guiding Light!!

Millions of Peaches trumpetted the story of Peaches’ new (or not so new) beau Johnny Tourettes (known in some circles as DJ fucking-arsehole-yip-yip-sucky-knob). Apparently they’re back together… or is Johnny actually with the Page 3 girl he’s been rumoured to be flipping regularly. Peaches has been hit hard by his ‘betrayal’. Lost, vulnerable, alone she wanders the streets in search of anything… something. If we’re lucky maybe she’ll discover talent. She is badly in need of some!

With the prominence of God in Australian Life, we decided that God needed to remove the Fuck ‘o’ meter – lucky that, Richard breaking the all time record – 15 in one voice break (on purpose)! He wasn’t alone, we all sinned… where’s that government sanctioned counsellor?